Salute,

So this was my last week @home.
It has been long enough!

So my "dad", is with retirement.. and we all have to suffer from it.

TEN things I hate about it sofar:

1. He cant do anything on his own, he is NOT independent at all!
2. Keeps staring out of the window and has to report everything.
3. He keeps cleaning the house, and toiletpaper is his obsession.
4. Keeps looking (is obsessed for ages) @porn on tv and computer. And bothers me with that! Pathetic loser! Also keeps asking me questions about lovelife, wants 2know if im still in freaking virgin??? Im 28 y/o, dealt with boys before, go fucking to a institute and bother other people with this! I have had enough of this!
5. Starts to make dinner already 4 hours in advance, because of lonelyness and boredom.
6. Keeps asking the same questions over and over, and never understands the answers.
7. Wants me to buy "sex and the city " for him, well isnt that show for fashionitas and gay's? in their 30ties? Its only because of the word SEX he wants to see it.
8. Wants to have a dog again, so history starts over again, he only wants to walk the dog because of the woman he can meet up with, and put them again above his own family.
9. He doesnt know how to do the laundry and is affraid to travel by train.
10. HE just doesnt understand we cant see him for full, all the things he has done to us and still does, he being an adult acting like a little pshych child.

Cant and wont deal with people who are sick in their head..

For the rest im happy to go back to work on sunday! One of the reasons I joined the forces is also because there I can deal with my frustrations about loads of stuff!

Dont get me wrong, I had a great weekend and a very awesome week, but being back home brings back everything, everything why I left it in the first place.
I heard last week, I have new housing > The Hilton!!! Fucking awesome!

Take Care,

xxXxx

Killeronpayrol

So, got back from AT4.
Was ok I guess. Especially the pub-night with the 3 dudes only.

When I booked, ages ago I requested not to sit next to SB and the 4-eyes-gang..
I think It went ok. Actually have not really much bad things to say about this and didnt play the gossip game. Only that I know, saw and feel that the gossip had done his job and that all had an opinion about me, without knowing me, and blindly follow the queen of the 4-eyes-gang. And ofcourse im called a bitch.. Im totally a no good.
I still think its not fair to demonize me. All the things ive done, are made worse, good things completely ignored and have me made look like a monster or some. Well nxt time I will play that out..

During AT4 I had to wear mostly my trainers because yep my stitches did pop out.
AT was nice and asked me double checked seriously if I didnt live in canada anymore. We both knew the same people casting shit and she was like next time your so on! So that was cool. Also she reconized and knew from the things Ive did over there.
Funny was also that she knew things about me, only my agent knew, and as some of you know my agent was in business with also them.

Ok what else.. actually feel great, tomorrow some great meet up. And just heard got new housing at my job! Freaking cool!
Also just send an email to Canada for work-permit support!
Thanks AT for that, was just the boost I needed.

For now I have other stuff to do!

See ya!

Salute,

Its been a while since I had a proper update.
Actualy there is so much going on lately that I cant even start to write it down, its too much.

Drama first,

One of the girls in my platoon tried to kill herself 2weeks ago. All since the start she is mentally instable. She is a friend, but she doesnt want to see that she is not capable for the work we're doing (Im also not really fit for it, but I acknowlage that, thats why Im busy to change postion) . She isnt good at sport at all, she is too much overweight, she smokes too much, and she suffers from multiple medical auwies, our platoon dislikes her, and her past is catching up on her, she just cant let go of her childabusive / sexual abusive history (then your a ticking time bomb... if your working in military).
So 2weeks ago, we had a major fieldtraining, she went to see the shrink, and after that she didnt wanted to go back on the field anymore. I tried to talk sense into her, stayed with her for over 2hours, until our CO game, she flipped totally. Refused an order, I had to stand between her and the CO, had to pull her collar, make her go. (refusing an direct order is truly a crime, and the CO we have right now is really a GI JOE if you get the pic, he wanted to knock her down..)  Still she refused, I told her, just go, call me when you get there and I call the Head CO crisis intervention psych.. But just go.

So I gave her some time, walk outside, to calm down our CO because he was raging outside the building calling names etc. Go back inside and all I find were pills on the ground..she was sitting there being numb. I smacked her in the face, but she stayed numb, opened her mouth, got behind her and pushed her belly, making her spitting out those pills..
She came a bit back to her senses, and said she only wanted 2 ibu's.. yea right.. I collected at least 19 on the floor and there were 3 in her mouth and 2 came out after I pushed her belly.

I ran outside, ordered.. yep I yelled at the CO that he had to leave! (like I can give an order.. NOT) He looked at me, suprised, and did leave!
I called crisis intervention. That Captain came.. they admitted her.

So drama's all over..
Since then I have to report myself at 5.45 in the freaking morning!
Whatever. I dont have probs with my CO.. actually we have a good work relationship..I think this order came from my LT.

So now its official im the only girl in the platoon.

P-90 = Power!

In the last field training I had to be a P-90 shooter.. freaking awesome, a lightweight weapon, small, and very powerfull. Way much funner to use this in sim's instead of shootinglane.  The boys had to carry around the heavy minimi.

Standing my Grounds!

Yep, its the old me. Two days ago I went with some of my platoonies to the bar at the compound where ofcourse that creepy skinhead pathetic guy hung out as well. While I was back in training we had sometimes some arguments..
He is 34 y/o and I see him every sunday in the train where he wants to show me movies on his phone about very young girls (minors) .. you know what I mean. I told him many times how disgusting he is.. also knowing he has a daughter of his own. I already reported this.

He keeps asking me if I want to sit on his lap...etc. you know stupid boys talk.
So when we were at the bar, 2 days ago, he kept calling me, I ignored him.. The bar was packed with staff and students.. suddenly he is behind me and wants to lift me up.. I turn around, smack him right in the face with my fist.. he looks suprised, calls my name, and I gave him another on right on his left jaw... Everybody was laughing in his face.. And told him he got what he deserved..
He walked away, in silence feeling ashamed.

Serious, I have to stand my ground in a atmosphere like this.. thats why I dont wanna be in the infantry.

The Artist and many others..

I know it sounds snobby. But I do have official 9 stalkers.
I do like 2 of them. One is the artist..but I just like him, I will never start a relationship with him. The other one is a guy from my own platoon, but he is too young, but has such a big heart!
The oldest stalker, (he called the mainoffice to get me on the phone to ask me out!!!!) He is freaking 48 years old!
Also my old CO, is not really stalking me, we just have fun.

Shopping Days

I went to Utrecht, Tilburg, Eindhoven, Den Bosch, and still I havent found anything.. very annoying!

Monday - Cut day!

Some of you know, what will happen 2morrow. Im not really nervous..only that I cant eat , drink or smoke..kinda annoying!
If I do die.. the world will keep turning.. 

Take Care!

xxXxx

Killer on Payrol

Salute,

Damn this entire weekend is very relaxing.
Not to mention that I gained bodyweighed.. I think the booze is kicking in, because I just gained 2kg..
But thats ok, now im at my normal weighed. 
Still I will start training next week again, I have to be fit for something comming up soon....................... *EVIL GRIN*

Anyway, today I decided its torrents day.. so I;ve watched SGU all parts sofar, its ok, and I watched sanctuary, well I tried, I still havent seen an entire epi, without fastforward it.. its boring. 

But I saw again some of my old friends, I saw michael who play;s a cop in a lab where that blonde chick breaks in.
Actually when I watch sanctuary im more interested in the background and background people.

What else, Im nervous for tomorrow, I hope my plan works out.. tomorrow is a kind of judgement day. All the ''games"' Ive played recently, I hope they betta be good for something!
There are two scenario's;
1. I will leave
2. I will be get a temp transfer to the marine/navy as sonar whatever.. (and depart for somalia by then)
 
For the rest, Janine's mum in in labour right now.. She is getting a new baby sis. Serious everybody around me, has to do with babies somehow.. so anoying.
Also Paul started about it again last friday. Serious why do I always have a feeling that you have to defend yourself as a woman, when you dont wanna have kids!

There is an underlaying reason why babies, love etc are a very sensitive subject to me.. and thats a secret I still keep to myself for over 10 years now. And no, im not G-ay! (if that was the case it would be easy) Im not made for relationships, but I can be a friend tho..


Well thats it, see you nxt week!


xxXxx

LT out

Salute,

I just got back from a friend who lives in Utrecht. She used to be in the army, the other dutch girl, who didnt made it. Caroline is her name.
Her mum passed away little time ago and now her dad is also diagnosed with cancer..again.
Anyway, in the forces, also some of the CO's, staff etc, really rudely treated her, so she left... (ok I wasnt also very into her night snores!! yep thats the girl)
But when the end was comming, she came down to our room, crying big tears, multiple times. Telling me her deepest fears, about her being alone, and yep believe me, when you hear her out, she is alone.
Her father, is still in mourn about her mum and doesnt understand anything of her. He patronizes her in everything, he even keeps track of her bankaccount; I even witnessed it (she is 21 y/o for fuck sake), she wasnt allowed by him to leave the army, he tells everybody she is a loser and he is ashamed of her.  (its also his ilness what is causing these contradictions in his behaviour)

Ok, if you would ask me, I would truly admit, she wasnt gonna make it after all, but I dont believe in disrespectfully move people out of the club.. if you get the pic. (unless they truly ask for it)

Anyway, I went to Utrecht to see her.. I got her on a program, the same I did when I went to Canada, and she will leave in mid november to Austria to teach kids-ski. I think its good for her, to go away, away from her fathers judgmental finger.

But the thing was when I was sitting in the bar with her, metellica's nothing else matters playing at the back, then anouk's michel, shakira's underneath your clothes etc.. somehow I got a very fine warm feeling.
I called my new project.. lol.. yep Im worse. He is an artist (drawing/painting), and yep I know him from base. Thats all Im gonna share for now.

Just wanted to share, the wine (rose), hot choco whipped cream, nuts and partysnacks, fireplace, browncafe, ciggysmoke with all of ya!
Ow did I mention the huge amounts of rain, I will spare you all!

Take Care!

And enjoy your weekend!

xxXxx

LT out

Salute,

Well, im posting while its thursday.. That means im off base. Yep.
Actually im kinda grounded, and send home.
This is because of two reasons;
1. medical reason (networking might pay off, some people want to try that I get a new medic profile, meaning that Im physical not good enough for infantry, which is the truth, I mean..that fighting position is way too much for somebody like me)
2. arguments at the bar

See lately Im like a loose canon. I do have fun, get allong with loads of people (I really have 8 guys now, chasing my ass..its really nuts). But the f* part is that I dont want to be in the infantry. So last monday morning I told my CO that I would drop out. They refuse to let me out, Instead of that some people want to help me to get a new position. Monday eve I saw my old CO and that was some bit tooo much fun.. if you get the pic.
A hangover on tuesday turned into a new estatic stage on Tuesday eve, again too much of all forbidden things, and we had a new party again. This time, I get so annoyed by a pink LT who constantly checked me out.. (see we are newbies in the infantry batalion, so these are kinda intro parties) But that stupid girl got way too close..  (there are only 8 woman in the infantry..)
So yea I got annoyed, and the boys were also getting annoyed because of the changing atmosphere in the bar. In the end, there was some pushing and pulling, a hangover on wednesday and send home for my own damn good, also with the restesting comming up on monday nxt.

Not that it was really a fight. But you know, being new in a group like that, you do have to stand your grounds. I dont like that motto either, but thats the way it goes.
And there is much more going on.. I dont want to be part of that.

Also I so dont want to be there, because we are not living close to base. Its over a 30min walk, and there are no cooking facilities, meaing eating outdoors everyday $$$$$$.
The room I have, together with my roomate, is actually for 8 persons!!! its like an old military sleeproom with bunkbeds, and 1 electrical ap. and no curtains!??? Also there is only 1 key for the bathroom/showers, so you can never decide when to take a shower, you have to pick up the key, also for in the morning!! and we have to share everything with the guys.

So who knows, monday better news.. I really hope so, because I dont wanna leave because of misjudgement!

Take Care!

xxXxx

LT out

Salute,

I feel Im in a way back at square one.

I just dont understand why I feel so down, suddenly. Maybe im just very tired or maybe Im getting aware what I have just accomplished.
Yep, I just completed my military training and starting monday for the next evolution as a infantrist/stormtrooper, and will be scedueled for afghanistan in 2010 or some. So for those who rather see me go.. I will go.. and who knows, leave this earth for good.

Last friday I got my barret, the thing is, the entire week I was down, because I so dont want to be a stormtrooper. Im still busy with getting another position but now its getting very difficult because im already aboard on the stormtrooper train.

But I wouldnt be ALIAS If I wouldnt play both sides, smile to one, take things from the other..thats how it works in the world im in.
I did played one of my CO's, with this, I got partly what I wanted; intel. I had to lie to the head CO, to cover up our trip. But with this I could do my things, arangements for medical position.

Last week I got fun with this.. both of us got almost in trouble, but a what a smile can do.. pff serious its actually quiet awfull! lol

For now I have to start networking again, starting tomorrow.. I will never leave without causing something...
Hope it will be over soon, so that I can proceed with my backup plan.

Next week, I will try to upload vids of pics of last weeks ceremonials.

Take Care

LT out
xxXxx